Apparently, the Toronto Star has been reading my blog, and was inspired by my series of "Facts about [insert cute animal here]," and they've done one of their own. I, however, find their facts both boring and useless. And so, I'm here to do my own.
1. Manatees are like elephants, but in the water.
2. And smaller.
3. But not much smaller.
4. I think that manatees are lazy, because they like to float in slow moving current. But I like that they're lazy.
5. Manatees are my roommate in college's favorite animal.
6. I think they're pretty sweet myself.
7. In fact, I think if I ever met a manatee (even though that's probably not going to happen, as they're extremely endangered), that the manatee and I would be friends. Really good friends. Probably because I don't think that manatee skin would make good boots. One of the reasons I couldn't be friends with an ostritch - I'd always secretly dream about killing it and using it's soft, textured leather for boots. And that's a friendship ender.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
The people of Toronto thank you for your improvement upon the Star's cheap imitation.
I can get along with manatees because of their life philosophy, as explained by this stuffed talking manatee available on ebay:
"I am friendly and slow-moving. I like to eat and rest."
Except I am not overly friendly.
you're right, your facts are better... because I totally needed to know that they were your college roommate's favorite animal... That's an important thing to know!
And you're right, they wouldn't make good boots. They are not smooth... like say a DOLPHIN!
Why am I not surprised that Canada wants to imitate you. I look forward to your informative "Facts About." And when they copy you in Canada, do they call it "Facts Aboot"?
Manatees are also known in some circles as "cows of the sea." That means you can tip them.
GuernSEA: A new manatee variant.
Not only are manatees my favorite animal, but when I was in high school my uncle got me an adopt-a-manatee named Shane and he got killed by a boat. :-( Your facts are way better.
You should hear comedian Jim Gaffigan talk about the manatee. He says that all the other animals call it the Sea Pig (because it's known as the Sea Cow).
and... manatees hear 10 times better than humans underwater!
once, when I was swimming, with my brother? he looked at me under the water with his goggles and told me that I resembled a manatee.
so I just wrapped part of your Christmas present, and I am supr proud of my wrapping job. Hopefully it survives the trip.
in other news - didn't all of your roommate in college's manatees die?
My first boyfriend's bloated penis resembled the manatee on the left.
manatees? ok
jal
Do you take requests? Because I think you should do one of these about meerkats. Meerkats rock.
My little sister was obsessed with manatees as a kid. She made my parents take her to some manatee sanctuary in Florida.
How would one go about the tipping of a manatee?
Not that I am interested.
Just querying.
Post a Comment