Tuesday, June 06, 2006

How To Deal With a House Centipede:

I look up. I see this:

house centipede

Oh, you think I'm a wimp? It's not that bad? Look closer.

closeup

Here's what I did:

1. Freeze.
2. Realize I'm holding a glass of Citadelle on the rocks.
3. Gulp.
4. Look back up at the ceiling.
5. Flip the fuck out.
6. Gulp.
7. Realize I'm sitting next to my camera.
8. Grab camera with one hand, keep other firmly around vodka.
9. Take picture of weird thing that is crawling on my wall!!!!
10. Gulp.
11. Notice that the damn thing was stunned and didn't move for about 5 seconds after the flash went off.
12. Begin taking pictures like crazy.
13. Start to relax because of steps 3, 6, and 10.
14. Text my husband, tell him that he has to "come home and kill something for me!!"
15. Gulp.
16. Research the internet. Discover that it's this. Knowing what it is calms my nerves. Then I see that the damn thing eats cockroaches.
17. Snap a few more pictures for good luck.
18. Purposely ignore it until Matt comes home to kill it.
19. Gulp.

29 comments:

jane said...

omgosh i've got the creeps just from looking at it. did he kill it? (i'm hoping so)

Liz said...

We had those things in one of my former apartments... THEY ARE SCARY AND REPULSIVE!!!

Unfortunately for me, my roommates were beyond girly, and I was the only one who was woman enough to kill the bastards. Because we didn't have cockroaches for them to feast on, and I didn't want them crawling on me during the nights while I was waiting for them to starve to death.

So I am an experienced killer of house centipedes. And that is yet another reason I rock at life.

Angela said...

We used to have them in our apartment. I'll never forget the time I found one CRAWLING IN OUR BED. Also, I'll never forget the time I saw one CRAWLING ON THE TOWEL I WAS GETTING READY TO USE. I hate those little fuckers. If Jeff wasn't around and I had to do the killing, it was always an Eighteen Paper Towels job. Oh my God. Time to move.

Andi in Ontario said...

omg, we have them waaaay up here in Ontario Canada! BLECH they come out at night and slide across my wood floors, so help me if I ever step on one!! Always have a shoe or hammer handy...

Ellen K. said...

You are too funny! But I hate those things too, especially when they are in my bathtub. I did not know they ate cockroaches. Can you imagine a cockroach-centipede fight? Ew!

Ethel said...

Ack! I hope it has been smooshed or otherwise executed!

HelpMeBubba said...

I'm pretty sure I'd literally shit my pants. And you know I ain't lyin'! I hate all forms of bugs! I just signed up for bi-monthly pest control service....looking at that picture makes me think it was the smartest decision I've made in a very long time!

FYI...when I was kid I would have nightmares about spiders and snakes in my bed. I'd wake up screaming. My mom says I scared the crap out of my dad everytime I did that. I still have those nightmares to this day and have woken Bubba up screamin. He doesn't think its so cute anymore.

jargonscout said...

Back in Rochester, we would see about one of these per week. I hated it and vowed never to live on the "ground floor" apartment ever again. (It was sorta half in the ground actually) It was horrifying and I'll admit, I'm scared of them suckers. They have gangly aweful front legs.

In fact, I always used to visualize them crawling into my mouth while I'm sleeping at night or eating at my legs without me knowing it. Ugh. I hate them.

I've only seen one since moving here. So I just figured I transported one with us on the move. But now that you have them, I will be watching for them again.

Luckily, Bamo likes to eat them. I'm sure it's not good for him, but I think they're pretty harmless. And he definitely picks up worse stuff from the ground during walks.

Virenda said...

Did you drink the WHOLE bottle cause it would take me an ENTIRE bottle of Vodka to NOT cry and scream if I saw that ugly gross creepy crawly thingy in my house. EWWWW. You have now given me nightmares.

v said...

I have a similar dilemma with spiders in the house. I mean if they're in a dark corner I sometimes think I should let them be because the feed on other pests.

But then I can't have spiders all around the house.

I gotta admit this centipede looks like it came from space. I hope you guys were able to deal with it.

Lena said...

I'M CLAWING AT MY NECK!!!!!!!!!

huniii said...

oh. my. god.
thats AWFUL!!
and creepy.
you yanks can keep them!

SarahReznor said...

okay, i'm not usually squeamish but this is NASTY! good thing you had a drink!

Anonymous said...

GAH!

Those things appear in my house a lot and freak me the fuck out.

Sometimes my dogs will valiantly try and kill them but the little fuckers just wont get swallowed and then I have to physically scrape them and their vile legs up with a tissue.

I'll try some vodka next time.

Melissa said...

This is how I would deal with it:

Step one: Drop dead of a heart attack.

The End.

You're a brave girl for remaining in the house with it.

Peggasus said...

The only other insect as creepy as those are those damn silverfish thingies. Eeeewwwww.

Here is how I dealt with these while in college and living alone: grab an aerosol can of anything handy: spray fixative, hairspray or photomount and shellac them to death.

blog Portland said...

I've been fortunate to never encounter one of those. I am unfortunate, though, in that the spider-to-person ratio in my household is 2:1, and there are 5 of us.

e-liz said...

Ick. Ick. Ick. I cannot comment because I am icked out.

Pookie said...

OMG - I used to get those in my old apartment ALL the time! They really freaked me out. The only good thing about them is that they're actually really easy to kill. One good wack and they're gone! But..ewww...omg I hate those things!

kandis said...

Am I the only one that itches all of a sudden??? EWWW!!

Fitzgerald said...

I nearly screamed and it was just on my computer screen! It's been damp here and we've had an excess of them as well. Two in one week. But NOTHING like yours. Ick.

The Bill's Special said...

Step 20. Walk unknowingly into kitchen.
Step 21. "Oh man. That is huge!"
Step 22. Grab nearest available useful item, which turns out to be dish soap.
Step 23. Brilliantly cover Nasty Bug in dish soap, stopping it in its tracks.
Step 24. Admire handiwork, examine legs.
Step 25. Smash.

Nishu said...

haha.. good description lady!

(^_^)

shpprgrl said...

We have centipedes, but not THAT big. Holy cow! I fight creepy crawly things by sucking them up with the vaccuum cleaner. But then I have to drag it outside because I am insanely afraid that they will escape.

Kelly said...

So did he kill it?
I'm scared for you.
I almost want to leave my own house!

markus said...

i usually do #5 a few times alternating it with #1.

Vixen said...

Good lord that thing is creepy as all hell. I had a few in an apartment I lived in years ago that I just let alone (after I freaked out, ran to my grandmas for an encyclopedia -before I had the internet - found out it was a common centipede, not dangerous and ate cockroaches which I'm utterly terrified of). But never have I seen one that huge or that intimidating.

I don't think you're a wimp at all. I think you're amazingly brave for staying in the house with it, and remaining conscious and sane.

Anonymous said...

People, you seriously need to calm down. It is a living thing, deserving of life just as much as you. Hell it takes care of other pests in your home and wants nothing to do with you. Just because something looks freaky does not mean it is evil. If you save it, you will feel much better about it than if you try to kill it. I picked one up yesterday with my bare hand and at first it was extremely scared (as was I) but once it and I realized what had to be done, it calmed and waited on my hand patiently while I walked outside to put it in the grass. You can't live in this life always afraid, learn about your fears and you can face them head on.

Anonymous said...

They are evil creepy scary and didn't live long. Smash