Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My Neighbors Are Asshats, And I Hate Them.


Really, that about covers it.

Since our building opened the day we moved in, it wasn't fully rented for our first month. And of the four units on our floor, we were the only tenants. I thought all the empty apartment around us was creepy, now I think back on that time with nostalgia.

Slowly, over the course of the next 30 days, the other 3 apartments were filled. And the last to be rented was the one directly across from ours.

The first thing I noticed about the new neighbors was the workboots. They appeared outside the door sitting on what appeared to be a discarded pressboard mini-shelf. At this point they were still moving in, I assumed the size 16 workbooks were... trash. That they would be headed out of the apartment with the first load of trash. (Which, as you can see, they've started to keep outside their door. Seriously, people, I have nice dinner parties! And there's trash in the hallway!)

But they're still in my hallway.

Not that this is in and of itself particularly offensive, but added to the rest of their shit, I've come to absolutely detest the sight of those boots in my hallway.

For the next few days, I ignored the incessant stomping up and down the stairs, screaming in the hallway, and slamming of the doors. They could still be moving in, and I know I'm not the quietest person in the world at all times. And. If I start complaining about people stomping up stairs, I'm getting thisclose to the rectress of the dorm next to me at Notre Dame who yelled at the students for wearing flip-flops on the stairs because of all the flipping and flopping noises they made.

But then they started waking me up in the morning. By yelling. Outside. At 6:28 am. More than once.

The first time, I was slightly awoken by the door slam and gallop down the stairs (which is how I identified the offender), but that's a morning-noise I can recover from and be blissfully dreaming again in 20 seconds. But when the gallop culminates in a screamed stream of expletives berating the earliness of the hour and the weather, and then another one, a few seconds later, merely affirming what has just been uttered...

Well, you're kind of awake after that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the Queen of Swearing. I've got that whole "cursing like a sailor while looking cute and innocent" down to a science.


Screaming? Right outside my window? Before six-fucking-thirty in the morning? I'm not down with that.

Then, the girl. The girl living in that apartment cannot seem to get out of or into her car with out screaming. And I mean Xena war cry yodeling/screaming. And the car? Always BLARING music. Wake-you-up-at-night-when-she-rolls-at-night in blaring. I've done this before - if "Hey Ya" comes on the radio, pretty much anyone in a large radius of my car hears it. But... then I turn the radio back down. And it's not as if "Hey Ya" comes on the radio that often any more - I realize I'm living in the past.

And when she rolls in at night? There's the music, the screaming, and then... She hits the buzzer of my apartment before using her key to get in.

Ev.Ery. Time. I don't know if she thinks that hitting my buzzer is some magic that allows her key to work, but it's what she does.

And then screams in the hallway.

I don't know how this girl screams so much.

You'd think she'd give herself a headache.

Honestly, I'm calling the management office about them tomorrow.


Kiki said...

Call management. Immediately. These people need to know early on that their behavior is not appreciated and a stop needs to be put to this. I totally feel for you. You shouldn't have to look at dirty shoes in the hallway and their behavior is totally off course.

I hope management solves the problem for you. Hopefully you (or they) won't be living there for very long.

Good luck!

Jen said...

That sounds tortorous!

blog Portland said...

I would operate under the assumption that the boots are still being used, and take advantage of the fact that most people don't check their shoes for mayo/poo/scorpions before putting them on.

Krista said...

Oh, that blows. So, I don't even remember how I came across your blog, but it's hilarious. Anyway, the couple that live above me have full-out, porn star sex - equipped with slaps, screams, "Oh, Bill!"s and "NAUGHTY BOYS!"s. At all hours. 6 a.m. 5 p.m. 12:30 a.m. It'd almost be entertaining if he wasn't 5'2" and bald, and if SHE weren't 6'1" and large.

Vaguely Urban said...

Those boots are fucking disgusting. To say nothing of the trash. You can tell it's a nice building, too, from the paint and trim shown in the picture. I hope management shuts that shit down straight away.

And don't even consider feeling like a narc - their behavior is out of control rude.

p.s. my verification word is "asnhdls" which I am pronouncing as "asshandles"

meno said...

Maybe you should throw the boots away, on the ass-umption that they are trash.

Or better yet, follow portland's suggestion.

Princess in Galoshes said...

That is totally disrespectful behavior, and I would call management right away, too, if I were you. I am willing to bet you are not the only other person in the building who's noticed, either.

Another great option is polka/bagpipe music blaring from YOUR car at 6:00 a.m. on, say, a Saturday when they are sleeping in.

(May have to apologize to other neighbors in advance, on that one, though.)

juliedooley said...

OMG, that sucks! I wonder, are they related to my stupid neighbor upstairs? The one that seems to tell all her screaming friends to ring the BOTTOM buzzer on our doors outside even though she's on the top floor, and finds 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. ideal times, respectively, to pace her apartment 2000 times in 3-inch heels and seemingly drop bowling balls? who lets her friends do their laundry in MY washing machine? and who locked me out of the building last week while I was in the backyard watering my garden?

What is WITH noisy inconsiderate people? I hope you call management and make them aware of it.
I don't think the boots are that awful, but would it kill them to fit that tiny little shelf right inside their doorway where the neighbors don't have to deal with it?

I do think you should keep us posted on how the management call goes.

Softball Slut said...

Ok so I kinda understand the boots, but everything else? The Trash?! THE YELLING!? I would go out there and tell them to shut up in my undies. Try talking to them with a witness before you go to management. They might appreciate it. They might not, hence the witness. But I would NOT take that shit. I have to have my sleep

Chris said...

My cousin Rocco can cruise up from Cleveland and take care of the problem for a C note plus gas. Say the word and I'll give him a call. Fugedaboudit!

Summer said...

I would definately call management. There's never a need for Jerry Springer 'Live' in your hallway.

I'm with Portland, I would put something in the shoes. How about some chili powder to make him itch when he sweats at work? he he
Then he'll have to throw the boots away. I'm just mean. I know.

Anonymous said...

The other things I can understand, but the boots who cares. The guy probably works hard, and heaven forbid he might offend you dinner guests.

bobealia said...

Leaving size 16 workboots outside your door is supposed to be a way for single gals to make it look like there is a big burly man inside.
That buzzer thing STINKS.
In my building we are not allowed to put anything in the hallway, including a mat.