Sunday, March 05, 2006

Big Bad Oscar Post

so here's the deal - I'll keep updating this as I watch the oscars, and I'll add pictures (which I will be stealing from e!online.com) when I get them...

Amy Adams' brown Caroline Herrera ballroom dress I don't think fit her well, and pockets? Caroline, I usually love your dresses, but seriously. Pockets and a 3 foot train? What were you thinking? Amy Adams is a beautiful girl, and you're ruining her!

And Naomi Watts, besides wearing a dress that's the same sallow color as her skin. It's Givenchy, who I think makes sexy dresses, but... the weird feathery embellishment makes her look flatter than normal. And somehow, she was so idiotic in her interview with Ryan Seacrest that he looked SMART. Plus, E-Liz says, "Is she pregnant? The only reason to look all bunchy like that is if you're pregnant!" (picture from oscars.com)

Can Dolly Parton's boobs get any bigger? Probably. But it looks like she's spending all her money on facelifts, not fashion sense. (picture from oscars.com)

There are no words to describe Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. They just look WEIRD. Remember when Nick Nolte had that DUI photo? Tim's hair looks like that. Helena almost looks normal next to him. Next to anyone else, she's look crazy. But that doens't make me love them any less. E-liz says, "They're a crazy couple made in heaven, that's for sure." I like having her around. She cracks me up.

What would posses Michelle Williams to wear that color? Seriously. Even if she had a tan, she's look horrendous. But of course, she doesn't have a tan. And you're making Heath look bad because he's next to you. And he's getting all scrubby, and I'm blaming you.

And I'm loving the Jon Stewart (3 minutes into the program). And I'm mad that people aren't laughing more.

After her ugly (and controversial) dress at the Golden Globes, Reese Witherspoon looks amazing. I love the lipstick, she looks glamourous and calm. She and I could be friends. Seriously, Reese, if you want me to babysit Ava and Deacon, I totally would. I wouldn't even charge you anything.

Alright, these pictures don't show this off as much as I think it's true, but DUDE. Rachel Weisz, who is cute, is wearing basically the same dress that Catherine Zeta-Jones wore to win Best Supporting Actress for Chicago in 2003. Seriously. Someone should spread the word - Best Actress nominees win when they're a) pregnant and b) wearing this strappy dress.

But if no one posts a picture of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter looking all crazy soon, I'm gonna get angry. And start gesturing crazily with my Chardonnay.

Alright, E-liz has just made my day. More than my day, my week. She just told me that my boobs are better than Ziyi Zhang's (picture from oscars.com). I know it's not much, but I've got to take what I can get. And while we're talking about adorable Ziyi, I've got to say I'm not the biggest fan or her dress. I think that the waist needs to be dropped 5 inches (or there needs to be a sash or something. the waistline is just WAY too abrupt), the neckline needs to be raised 2 inches, and the skirt needs to be more mermaid-y. And yeah, I'm not even going to talk about that gross black ribbon.

OK, last update of the night. I'm sad that Crash won, but I like that button dress of the producer. Brokeback for ever!!! And I still think that Jon Stweart ROCKED.

And I'm going to bed now.

22 comments:

v said...

No offense to Amy Adams, but dress just looks weird.

Word.

Kat said...

I'm with you, V. Amy is gorgeous, but looks totally hidz.

Marcia said...

That was the first dress I saw, and I was so upset. And ... I think that Sandra bullock's dress has pockets, too. WTF?

deana said...

I was surprised at how Amy raved about that look to Joan who I know is going to cut it. I thought it was awful.

You are right on the money on all these, but did you see Dolly's bling. It was millions!

I am pleasantly surprised at how funny it is, so far....loving the makeup skit!!!

Carmi said...

I think Jon Stewart is too intelligent for that audience. I think they seem to like their hosts to be middle-of-the-road vanilla. Jay Leno should wait by his phone for next year's call.

Great overview so far, BTW. Lovely!

margalit said...

I'm watching too, and what is with Jessica Alba's dress. Not a great color, Jess. I liked Naomi Watt's dress, but not on her. It was a beautiful dress, but you're right, way too palid on her.

Also loving John Stewart, and I think Carmi is unfortunately right, a lot of this goes over the vapid heads of actors. I'm voting for Craig Fergison for next year's host. I love him.

Here via Michele

jude said...

Wow.. looks like your having a busy night tonight!! here via michele's...

srp said...

Here from Michele.
Have them on in the background but I'm really not that interested.
Jon Stewart gave the commencement address a couple of years ago at his alma mater, William & Mary. He's doing a better job tonight.

Airhead said...

Oh, yay, I love an inebriated, snarky Marcia! This gives me something to talk about at work today, as I was NOT watching the Oscars last night.

sage said...

thanks for catching me up on what I missed!

e-liz said...

Damn Crash. I'm still peeved that it screwed me in our office poll. It was a good time though which the Oscars with the Pink Shoe family.

TheIdleReceptionist said...

I caught like, 5 minutes of the Oscars where Jon Stewart was trying to deliver a hilarious joke. And no one even cared!

Whatever, Jon, come back to The Daily Show where people love you.

J-Wat said...

I can't believe you didn't mention Helena Bonham Carter's bangs.

Kiki said...

I really liked Michelle's dress. I loved the color. Of course, I really like color.
I thought Reese looked radiant. She did look amazingly calm. Good for her.
I heart Dolly Parton. I have since I was little. I think I like her because she's so over the top. And yes, her boobs could get bigger.

Thanks for your Oscar post. I was looking forward to it this morning.

Ellen K. said...

Amy Adams has boobs. Women with boobs cannot wear Caroline Herrera, who was Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis's favorite designer. (RIP Jackie.)

I read somewhere -- maybe the latest "In Style" or "Us Weekly"? -- that pockets are BIG on the red carpet right now. But the hands-in-pockets pose is so, so sloppy.

My favorite look of the night: Salma Hayek (beautiful hair, great curves -- my husband almost fell off the couch) and Keira Knightley. (But Keira really did not deserve that nomination in the first place. The so-called "adaptation" of "Pride and Prejudice" was just atrocious, and she played Elizabeth with a big chip on her shoulder and snarkiness rather than easy wit. RIP Jane Austen.)

I agree about Michelle Williams's dress being too bright for her. Seriously -- WTF is going on in Hollywood? Are designers totally incapable of saying "I'm sorry, darling, that color is just not right for you"? I felt the same way about Jennifer Connelly's walking-dead beige dress several years ago. I still cringe every time I think of that fugly dress.

Ellen K. said...

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Reese. I thought her dress was too matronly. (I'm aware that she technically qualifies as "a matron.") But she's only 29 years old; she's the highest-paid actress in Hollywood now; she can afford to be a bit more daring. Reference: Julia Roberts' cool vintage Valentino gown in 2001.) The dress looked so heavy and sedate. Or maybe it was her very placid smile. She looked too calm. I had a general impression that she was trying her damnedest to look mature.

Kat said...

Carmi is dead on. I was chatting with Marcia online while we watched and she and I were saying the same thing. Celebs are obviously not smart enough to get Jon Stewart's brand of humor. What a waste.

I liked the pockets on Sandra's dress. I liked her dress in general.

I didn't see Crash because I heard it was essentially Magnolia for Dummies.

Love that Reese won. She was so gracious and charming in her acceptance speech.

jane said...

Oh yeah, I came here hoping to find just what I did. I do love Reese Witherspoon's dress, although I wanted Felicity Huffman to win. Reese was so gracious, how could anyone not adore her though?
I heard Sandra Bullocks dress also had pockets & while I did like her dress, I thought it was elegant, especially for a 40 (almost?) year old woman. Rather than try to look young, she simply looked ravishing.
But what about Charlize Theron's bow? That whole thing was just way too much for me. I didn't care for her hair either. It was much along the lines of Naomi Watts, my gawd girl WHAT were you thinking? I say her designer should be taken to Dick Cheney's shooting grounds!
And John Stewart, I adore the guy & watch him every single night. He's so dang cute to top if off!
Thanks for doing this, as you can tell, you got me all pumped up now!

Virenda said...

Jon Stewart is FUNNY. He's also sexy which doesn't hurt, he is just to smart for Hollywood.

~sigh~ Dolly is beyond fashion help.

WTF is up with Tim and Helena?! You got it right with that refrence to Nick Nolte.

Hope you enjoyed it!!!

Cinthia said...

I thought Salma Hayek looked ravishing (as always) in her off-the-shoulder deep blue dress.

I'd die (and be reborn, of course) to look like her. :)

kim said...

Loved your posts! I AODRE Jon Stewart and thought he was excellent. And won't be invited back next year. Which is a shame but I am willing to fly to New York to console him. I'm sure my husband won't mind. I thought Keira looked fabulous, as did Salma. Hated the trend toward beige/gold/washed out ala Naomi and Jessica Alba. Hated Nicole Kidman's hair. And my goodness was I drooling over George Clooney. I swear her gets more good looking every year.

Anyway, glad I found your blog!

doggerelblogger said...

Did anyone else notice that the first people to thank Jesus were a bunch of guys who wrote a song called "It's hard out there for a pimp?"

Just wondering. Almost a week after the show ended.