Now, the princess (moi), had never really been on a roller coaster before, and so was slightly nervous about this whole thing. "Don't you worry your little crowned head about it," her husband told her, "I've been to America's Roller Coast (and yes, they do call it that) many times, and I have ridden all the mythical coasters, and I will guide you, not only to the best, but, in the beginning, to the calmest of all coasters, the Blue Streak."
Reading the description of the Blue Streak from the comfort of one's own throne, there is little wonder that the princess did not enjoy the ride. "After cresting the 78-foot-tall lift hill, riders experience more than a half-dozen hills, a hairpin turn and maximum 'airtime!'" Neither the 78 foot hill, the hairpin turn, or the "airtime" sound at all like princess-y fun.
In fact, during the ride, the princess might have been heard to scream, "I fucking hate you, Matt!!"
With Matt's parents in the seat in front of them.
This was not a royal thing to scream.
After the Blue Streak, while the men went off to ride Wicked Twister, an insane ride that corkscrews perpendicular to the ground 215 feet in the air at BOTH ends, and the princess decided to ride on the horse-racing themed carousel and hit her mother-in-law in the bumper cars. And while the men rode Millennium Force (termed "giga-coaster" for its extreme height), the princess went on the Antique Car ride.
Now, the princess completely enjoyed herself on all these rides, but she is noticing that all the pictures of the rides that she went on have pictures of kids riding them on the website. But the princess does not think that this makes her any less of an adult.
After the men came back from the Millennium Force, it was decided that everyone would ride the Power Tower. The princess thought that it didn't look too intense. The ride was merely a quick blast up a 300 foot tower, and then back down. People were screaming, but that's what they did on rides, right? It couldn't be too scary.
What the princess didn't know was that you reach 50 mph in 3 seconds. And that at the top, when the ride switches from racing upwards to racing down, one will feel quite green and hope very much that they don't puke on everyone 300 feet below them. Because that would be rude.
Then the princess went to ride on the kiddie train while her mother-in-law and husband rode the Top Thrill Dragster. A ride that the princess finds to be utterly absurd - wait almost two hours for a 15 second ride? Sure, you go up a completely vertical hill 420 feet, and then race immediately, straight at the ground, 400 feet, and end up right where you started.
But all that seems to be completely terrifying to the princess, and not at all fun. She did, however, watch to make sure that no one died. As that would be completely sad. And horrifying.
At this point, everyone's roller-coaster appetite had been satiated, and the sun was setting. So they went home.
And the princess never went on another roller coaster ever again, and lived happily ever after.
The fabled princess, standing in front of the roller coaster that was her nemesis, the Blue Streak.