Sunday, May 14, 2006

Facts About SHARKS:


1) Sharks have been around for 400 million years. Probably because they eat everything. EV. REY. Thing.

2) If Richard Dreyfuss comes to your house, he'll bring two bottles of wine - one white, one red. Probably both bad. And then he'll ensnare you in his shark hunting craziness that will probably result in your death.

3) Because of all the biting, chewing, and ripping that sharks do, their teeth take a beating. Sharks are always growing new teeth, and may have up to 20,000 different teeth in their lives.

4) Their "bones" are made of cartilage. If I had made up a song about "Serge, the Singing Shark" in college, one of the verses would have been about how the Serge's bone are made of cartilage. But I wouldn't have done that. And I was never in possession of a little stuffed animal named Serge the Shark. Really.

5) Shark babies are called "pups." But I don't think that they're as cute as dog pups. And they're probably nasty little f'ers. They'd bite your arm off.

6) Claiming that things (tv shows, celebrities, etc) have "jumped the shark" has actually itself jumped the shark. It's all very meta, and I like that.

7) I think that the reason people are scared of sharks is becuase they have awesome names. Tiger. Great White. Hammerhead. Bull. They have really good PR.

11 comments:

Liz said...

Your fact posts kill me! (Though not nearly as much as the fact that you wrote a song about Serge and his cartilaginous bones.)

Jsto said...

Serge the shark? Don't know anything about it!

Court said...

And before he ensnares you in his shark hunting craziness, Richard Dreyfuss will scream at you that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass.

Ellen K. said...

I love your random animal facts. You need your own show on Animal Planet. I'm sure you could find some pink boots to wear around the rainforests. And then you could market pink boots to all the little girls in your audience.

TheIdleReceptionist said...

I loved shark gummies as a kid. Especially the hammerhead.

Who doesn't?

doggerelblogger said...

Except what about Nurse Sharks? Does that give a bad rap to Nurses, i.e. suggesting they may go crazy and eat you if you're bleeding and squirming around too much?

Jeremiah said...

Picture of Serge, PLEASE???

s'mee said...

oh and another fact:

Sharks always swim with two pink fish, because being a shark, they cannot wear pink shoes.

I love this blog!

Kat said...

Sharks are terrifying, and will you please sign onto IM so we can gossip?

v said...

Dude, a college Serge the Singing Shark song? Please post the lyrics. Thanks.

markus said...

yay! sharks!