A la Lindsay.
Dear Everyone Who Walked By As We Were Loading The UHaul Yesterday In a Heat Index Of Over 100 and Said, "Hot Day For a Move!" Or, "I'm Glad I'm Not You Today!" Or Other Such Innanities:
Dear Town & Country:
Stop being so pretentious. You're a suburb of St. Louis, not, um, actually cool. Enough with the ampersand, the idiocy, and the right-wing tendancies. I'm kind of glad I'm never going to be in you again.
Former St. Louisan
Dear Truck Driver That Honked As I Passed Him, Thus Alerting Me To the Speed Trap Ahead:
Thanks. I so would have gotten a ticket. Which would have ruined my day.
The Girl Who Didn't Show You Her Boobs. But Is Nonetheless Thankful.
I'm so happy I waited until I crossed over into you to get gas. You're my favorite mid-west state. Besides the fact that Indiana's kind of a whore, and Illinois is a little cross-eyed (talk about a butterface), did you know that you sell gas for thirty cents less than Missouri does? This morning I bought gas for $3.09 at the cute, non-ghetto, slightly retro station at the corner of Newstead and Laclede in St. Louis. I felt almost nostalgic as I got gas there for the last time. That nostalgia left me when I pulled over on 70 at milemarker 10 in Ohio, and bought gas at $2.79.
(PS: St. Louisans? SUCK IT. My new gas rocks so much more than your gas does. Plus, I don't have to deal with those annoying fume-reducing gas nozzels. Because they never worked right for me.)
I like you so much more now that I've heard that you're sometimes refered to as the AK-Rowdy. I find that quite funny, and I'll be using it at inappropritate times for the rest of the year.
Also, please please please don't suck too much when we move in tomorrow. I promise to try to like you. At least a little bit.
(And PS? I'm not bitter. I'm really going to miss St. Louis. Like, I cried when I left going to miss it. Which does not bode well for me jumping in the car and driving another 2 hours from Toledo to Akron today and moving into the new place....)