Monday, July 31, 2006

Random Letters About the Move:

A la Lindsay.

Dear Everyone Who Walked By As We Were Loading The UHaul Yesterday In a Heat Index Of Over 100 and Said, "Hot Day For a Move!" Or, "I'm Glad I'm Not You Today!" Or Other Such Innanities:

Fuck you.

Marcia

Dear Town & Country:
Stop being so pretentious. You're a suburb of St. Louis, not, um, actually cool. Enough with the ampersand, the idiocy, and the right-wing tendancies. I'm kind of glad I'm never going to be in you again.

Regards,
Former St. Louisan

Dear Truck Driver That Honked As I Passed Him, Thus Alerting Me To the Speed Trap Ahead:

Thanks. I so would have gotten a ticket. Which would have ruined my day.

Love,
The Girl Who Didn't Show You Her Boobs. But Is Nonetheless Thankful.

Dear Ohio:

I'm so happy I waited until I crossed over into you to get gas. You're my favorite mid-west state. Besides the fact that Indiana's kind of a whore, and Illinois is a little cross-eyed (talk about a butterface), did you know that you sell gas for thirty cents less than Missouri does? This morning I bought gas for $3.09 at the cute, non-ghetto, slightly retro station at the corner of Newstead and Laclede in St. Louis. I felt almost nostalgic as I got gas there for the last time. That nostalgia left me when I pulled over on 70 at milemarker 10 in Ohio, and bought gas at $2.79.

Love,
Marcia

(PS: St. Louisans? SUCK IT. My new gas rocks so much more than your gas does. Plus, I don't have to deal with those annoying fume-reducing gas nozzels. Because they never worked right for me.)

Dear Akron:

I like you so much more now that I've heard that you're sometimes refered to as the AK-Rowdy. I find that quite funny, and I'll be using it at inappropritate times for the rest of the year.

Also, please please please don't suck too much when we move in tomorrow. I promise to try to like you. At least a little bit.

Sincerely,
Future Resident

(And PS? I'm not bitter. I'm really going to miss St. Louis. Like, I cried when I left going to miss it. Which does not bode well for me jumping in the car and driving another 2 hours from Toledo to Akron today and moving into the new place....)

17 comments:

Kiki said...

Glad you made it to OH safely!

ndheathen said...

At least no one was like leaning against your truck eating ice cream or something like that to rub it in.

Liz said...

AK-Rowdy, eh?

And where do they Ak-Rowdy? They have no sports venues on a national level, and they are not known for much other than tire production...

Oh well... At least you're giving it a shot.

Summer said...

Glad to hear you arrived safely. I think that Stow is nice. Stay away from the spillway, that's where the bad people are.

That's all for now. Carry on!

JH said...

Absolutely love today's post. Just what I needed this morning. And today when SB and I went to Starbucks at 8 a.m., I said, "I miss Marcia. Starbucks just isn't the same without her." I said this not once but twice during the walk from Starbucks back to the car.

Jsto said...

Indiana is a total whore...everyone's been there, but no one really enjoyed it.

Virenda said...

Don't remind me of my expensive gas. UGH. Glad you made it safe and sound. I'm sure the new place is going to rock just as hard as the old one, if not more.

Oh and just to let you know little miss. Next years BlogHer is being held in Chicago and I think it's close enough that you HAVE to go. With me of course. :0)

anne said...

You can do it!

Ashley said...

I really enjoyed out half and hour phone chat yesterday while you were driving. Smart move to call and not text!! Hope you make it home, to your new cozy 1 room safely.

Tell me if you get any fun mail!! wink wink !!

Logan said...

Dear Marcia,

You rock so hard. And now that you're closer to where I live, the chances of you being picked up in a freak tornado and dropped in western Maryland are higher. We might can hang sometime.

xoxo,
Logan

Lena said...

Hey AK - moving makes you feisty! I like it!

Softball Slut said...

Good luck with the move. Good for you for giving your new place a chance and seeing the brighter things such as Gas, etc

Court said...

Marcia, I’m not sure, but I think you’re insulting my civilization again. Don’t make me send you up to the roof.

Miss you.

librarian pirate said...

Marcia - Illinois isn't that bad! We do have much worse gas than you do, but we've got ...

um ...

OBAMA!

e-liz said...

Hahaha. You are a freak! And I love it. Thanks for setting Town AND Country straight. They've been bugging me for years!

v said...

lol.

Tabitha Dial said...

Damn! What a fun post! You are so creative. I loved this read!